If you're happy and you know it~~~

My parents 35th anniversary.
Checking the photos of them together I realized I managed to make their life enjoyable.

My parents provided evrything we need and more when we were young.
Eventhough we were not rich, we always had good food, nice clothes and many toys to play with.

So all I ask for future is the same.
I do not want to be rich.
If my family happy and healthy, if I can give them comfortable life, I am happy.

I am happy right now!!!


しあわせですよ。。。

EXO-K_중독(Overdose)_Music Video

I am 28 year old~~~ desu

Thirty is approaching and I am still nothing.
My main problem is I don't want to be something.
I really want a house even though that's more for my mom.
Except from that I just want to graduate with respectable grade.

I read my new year resolutions from Jan. I can't cross out anything yet.
December is coming soon. Now I remember why I never had NY resolutions.
Because I never fulfill them.
Hahaha.... what a loser!!!
I will try to have one cross out after new year.
I really need self control and stronger will power. *sigh*

My other half, Tomohisa had a very busy year.
He had 2 dramas, 2 singles, 1 album, 1 collab-singlle, 1 concert tour, 1 documentary and 1 radio show in a year.
And here I am still calling him my other half shamelessly.
He is more like my other 3/4 because I am not even half of him in every way.


Woahhh I sound so depressed. Must be my stomachache writing.

kinishinaite. daijoubu desu.

It's been so long!!!

10 years ago today, I came to this little island called Singapore.
17 years old, full of dreams, naive and proud young girl :)
It has been 10 years...
fulfilled some of old dreams, found a few new dreams, still a little naive with unchanged Pride, no more young woman ;)

Should I start something new like I did in 2002.
Should I change job? 

Should I move to another country?
10 years in this little island is too long.

I don't regret how I spent those years although I didn't accomplished much.
I made mistakes, big ones and bigger ones but I am what I am now from all the things I went through.
I want to thanks all the people I met in this 10 years.
Some still my best friends, some not in contact, some hate my guts :D

I think I changed most when I got to know him. His philosophy to life made me a clam person that I am now.
Thank you Tomo for the strength and path you show me in my depressing days.

Let's work for better 2012 ne...

Resolution ka!!

New Year is fast approaching.

When I see other people crossing out their last year resolutions, I feel jealous.

I didn't have one for last year or previous years.

I will be 28 coming year and I don't have any goal or dream yet. Am I a loser in life?

So... I will make resolution for 2012.

Very first thing

1) to be able to communicate in Japanese by end of 2012.

2) send my parents on 5 Star Cruise Holiday

3) At least get 1 A in exam

4) get back my ideal weight ie. 52kg

5) take less than 10 days leave

6) go to Japan for concert of a)Tomo b)NEWS c)AAA d)Mr. Children

I hope I can fulfilled at least 4 of those 6.

Jyaaa let's see which I can crossed out in Dec 2012.

7th October 2011

4 days after my birthday...

Toma's birthday...

The day my dream of watching 6-nin NEWS concert was destroyed...

Tomo and Nishikido left NEWS.

Remaining 4 will carry on as NEWS because they don't want NEWS to disappear.

Why Tomo has to be the one who leave? 

I know he has his reasons but still WHY???

I naively thought that I knew him so well. Ha! I didn't know shit...

We will forgive him when he told us his reasons and KYA-ing with starry eyes. *sigh*

I wish 4-nin new NEWS all the best and NEWS fans won't make me scared to check on them.

After all I am traitor's supporter...

Soredemo Daisuki dayo Tomo

Times are flying by...

When they say time flies, it is only metaphorically.
Time doesn't fly, silly. Time teleport!
It still feels like I met Tomo yesterday. But it already been 4 months and 14 days.
A lot happened between these months.
I went back to my home country after 3 years, passed all my exams and started another semester, doubted Tomo for his sincerity, almost given up on NEWS, lost nice amount of weight.
Of all those thing why did I doubt Tomo????

I knew all along that if I lost my trust in Tomo, my life would be meaningless.
I am not a teenage emo kid who gonna kill herself for an idol.
What I mean is, he said very meaningful things, things you can learn from, things that made you rethink about your life, your action, your goals and your dreams.
If I can't trust him anymore, what will happen to all these I followed.
When someone preaching these values was lying through his teeth, what should I do?
You can say he is just one guy. There are other people who are truthful.
But you don't know Tomo. He practice what he preached. If he truly lied, he was a damn good liar.

I had all those conspiracy theories in my head. Tomo is actually a very cunning guy.
He masked his true self with all those righteous words. When he got tired of all fame he will show his true self.
But after all that trip and photos, I am scared about my theories coming true.
It hurts when the thing you believe in what just a sham. My pride hurts. My brain hurts. My heart hurts.

When you truly love someone, you will forgive their mistakes. Is it really true?
I will continue to love him but I won't forgive.
Yurusanai!!! dakedo aishiteru <3

Dreams do come true

23rd April 2011

I finally met him in person. Everything passed by in a flash. Everything is still like a dream. He is really handsome and nice just like everyone said.

Arrr I really don't want to write. I feel like my feelings will disappeared after I write down everything. I still can't believe I met him, I went to his concert, I sang Happy Birthday to him. Tears are still flowing when I think about it.

First of all, they had a very fierce thunderstorm starting around 3:30pm. We went there early to collect tickets and buy goods. But we were stuck in the rain. Lots of people came early for goods too. We lined up for concert goods in narrow place. After we got what we wanted, we went out for dinner. We were back just before 7pm and security was very strict for camera. Stage settings were very nice and flags with dragon logo were pretty. I felt like I was in some kind of palace.

When the light dimmed and music start playing, everybody rushed to the railing. I didn't expect that so I was a beat late. Being short and two-bodied layer away from railing, I opt out to watch just standing near the seats. He didn't sing much live. But I didn't really care. He danced with all his might. He spoke very clear and good English. Things went by very fast from here. I am going to kept those memory only in my heart. One thing for sure, we didn't have any eye contact. Not even once, I caught his eyes. I didn't expect I will though I wished so much. When I think about it now, I can't even recall all the songs he sang. I almost cried when he sang Saigo no Love Song. One girl in front of me cried.

開演のアナウンス響いてる
きっと君は来ないだろう
約束した頃は　こんな日が来るなんて
思わなかった僕たち
The curtain call announcement resonates
I’m sure you didn’t come back out
Back when we promised about how we
Didn’t believe this day would come

大切な夢のために頑張っている　君の姿が好きで
「どんな時も僕が応援する」なんて
言ってたくせして　旅立つ君のこと責めた
I loved that figure of yours when you tried your best for the sake of your precious dreams
I said “I’ll support you no matter when”
It was a habit, so I blame you as you set out on a journey

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなラブ・ソングに　胸の奥が熱くなる
何回も君と聴いた　その言葉が突き刺さる
ひとりぼっちじゃ　悲しすぎる歌だね…
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
That love song makes my heart warmer
Time and time again when I listened with you, the words pierce me
The song is too sad to listen to all alone…

初めて会った日を思い出す
今日と同じコンサート
斜め前の君は　僕と目が合うたび
笑いかけてくれたね
I remember the day when I first met you
It was concert like today's
You were diagonally in front of me and our eyes met
You laughed at me, didn’t you?

叶えたい夢のために遠い街へ　君が行くこと聞いて
「離れてても二人変わらないよ」なんて
誓っていたのに　夢見る君のこと責めた
I heard you went to a far away town in order for your dreams to come true
“Even if we’re apart, we won’t change”
We vowed that but, I blame you for seeing dreams

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなラブ・ソングに　身体中が震えてる
どうやって君を忘れ　今日からどう生きてゆく
この先ずっと　こんな歌は聴かない…
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
That love song shakes my whole body
How am I going to forget you, how am I going to live from today
From now on, I’m not going to listening to this song…

ほんとはもっと言いたいことや
確かめたかったことがあったのに
今さら遅すぎる　何もかも全部
拍手の波の中　僕だけが飛び出していた　ひとり
Truthfully, there was more that I wanted to say and
Things I wanted to confirm
Now it’s too late, everything and anything
In the sea of applause, only I am leaping out, alone

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなことないよと　胸の奥が叫んでる
何回も君と聴いた　ラブ・ソングが遠くなる
ひとりぼっちじゃ　悲しすぎる
それでも僕は　君に会えてよかった・
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
My hearts screams that it’s not true
Time and time again when I listened with you, the love song feels distant
Being alone is too sad
Even so, I’m glad that I met you

But every second with him was Heaven. Every air I breathed in have his present. I believe I can talk to him one day. I can touch his hand one day. After all, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.

Tomo, imademo, korekaramo, itsudemo aishiteru kara aimassho ne

Love Song

I want to shout out loud if possible that I love Tomo with all my heart.
I was wavering so much from younger ones to younger ones.
Now I realized that nobody can replaced Tomo. No matter how young, handsome, talented they are.
Tomo has passion for his work, love for his fans and gratitude to his profession.


I am proud to love him and called him my Idol. He really is an Idol. MY IDOL

Conflicted "I"

First post of the 2011. woot woot...
Best NEWS of the year goes to "I am meeting Tomo in April". YAYYYYY
Worst NEWS "I failed two subjects last semester". Yayyyy

Back to title, I feel so conflicted between letting go and clinging on.
I really want to let go but if I let go, maybe I might not want to catch it again.
If I don't catch it again, my existence will become meaningless.
But clinging onto it is also extremely tiring.

This problem make me don't want to study. I can't afford to fail any more.
Sometime (almost all the time) I want Tomo's determination. See you in April Darling

Bored and bored

I feel like doing nothing...
I have to study, work, exercise. I can't seem to have mood to do those.
Having stuffy nose doesn't help either.
It's a relieve that I don't have school today.
I need something exciting to happen in my life.
What should I do? hmmm....
All the slow songs playing from my Ipod is not really helping the mood. *sigh*

I really like this song... SHINee - Last Gift

Was it yesterday when things started going to amiss?
Where did it all go wrong exactly?
My heart can’t let you go…
Is it really the end?

It’s not easy for me like my farewell greeting
My heart won’t become mine to control
I guess I’ll have to make an indefinite decision to forget you
So I can bear with it all

The ring I placed on your finger
Returns to my hand cold (I can’t let you go)
I received my heart back in return
My LAST GIFT
Is this separation…

what I feels like doing now

First and foremost, I want to sleep now kekeke
I really want to watch my little guys performing...
but I can sense chaos just by a glance.
I think I am too old to join in that fantastic nightmare.

Wow!!! I just want to do only this two things.
I think I had been enlightened.
But I feels good to not have any wants or desires.

I guess that's why I am getting further away from my friends???
They have too many worries that I feel not really important.
And they think that I have everything.
I don't have everything. I just don't want everything.
Not wanting everything aka contentment make your life peaceful and relaxing.

But, but I really want to meet Tomo in person. *heart* sometimes heart is stubbron kekeke

Couples Argh....

Now I realize that our ancestors were wise.
They left words of wisdom for us. One of those is "Never go between Husband and Wife."
Going between means you don't side with one when they are quarreling *like me*.
I was naive or stupid or whatever, and try to reason with my mom and dad.
I wasn't even finished talking why I thought whichever one of them was right, they were giggling and teasing each others.
Just really argh.... for me. I won't never ever gonna justified when they quarrel again.

Oh btw I move to a new office and I am freaking loving it.......

Hell yeah!!!! One in a Million is damn good. I love it more than MOLA & Loveless. Tomo daisuki

Truely my resting place, this is...

I am watching some little guys tomorrow.
My first time seeing people I love LIVE.
How I wish I can see him really soon too.

I don't like the things going around THE GROUP...
I get the feeling someone really trying to do harm to the Group.
All the solo activities and solo cons.... hmmmm....
Is JE trying to tell us something? Like if we don't spend more effort on the Group, they are gonna shelf them???
I am going crazy, I know...
It's just that sweden-pair releasing another mini-album making me more nervous.

Even so, there is Joe in Ashita hahaha I know I am lame...

Another Entry; Another Tear

Today, where we were shooting, it has started to snow
It’s been so long since I’ve seen snow.

When I was still in elementary school, I used to try to catch the snowflakes in my palm and try to make out the different patterns with the naked eye.

I was so serious about that (laughs)

I used to be serious about so many things at that age.

Everything that I saw with my eyes or felt, I would seriously respond to.

Frankly however, now that I have gotten used to this job, I’ve become less serious about many things.

Now, I'm only serious towards things that I really like.

music, dancing, acting

The more I'm sure about the things I like to do,
the more I'm ignorant towards things that I'm not interested in.

Also, because I've experienced it before,
I do not feel touched at alot of things already.

However, today, as I was shooting in a town near Tokyo, there was a child wearing one of my concert T-shirts, as if he was saying “I’m wearing Yamapi’s T-shirt!”. He was smiling at me with a brilliant smile.

Thank you!

It made me really happy!

I guess he must have gone to one of my concerts, and after watching him, I went on a sudden emotional high.

Even though I’ve experienced many things already and my emotions have become less intense, however I’ve realized that in places where I haven’t yet been, there are people who have been supporting me at the sidelines.

At the same time, after experiencing this, I ponder. Where do I stand?

And I still don’t really know.

However, that child that looked genuinely pleased to see me.
So that anyone who watches me from now on will just let out a smile, I want to give these people new touching or really great music and show them what I feel is the best.

I feel like this has been written really messily.
From now on, I’ll try everything!

(translated by pikira)

Amongst the fans of every famous person, we, Pi's fans are the luckiest and most spoiled.
Do you want proof?
He wrote nikki everyday for 6 years. Vol 2261. Freaking 2261 days... AND THAT"S FOR US.
He broke up with his rumored GF cuz she is playing us.
He do Solo concert to thanks us. (even some will argue that's for him. I would say, "You don't know him well. He don't have to do solo con to earn money. Don't have to practice days and nights for all the dance." Got it.)
Whatever he's doing, he worries what we will think about it.
Never lied to us. Even for tiniest things, he will keep quiet if he don't want to say the truth. But NO LIES.
If he see something beautiful, he will remember us first. (Don't think so? Read his 2261 entries!)
He treasure us. Everyone can see that, feel that, notice that. (You still don't? Go to his cons. Watch his cons. See how he interact with the fans?)
Still don't think so? Re-read the above nikki. Can you understand his heart?

I am so glad that I bought a T-shirt for 55$. I might be breaking my rules and out of my principle but am I glad that I bought.
He really is attached to that T-shirt. Well what do you expect, his face is on that. XDDD

Soulmate desu ka...

I saw one question in web.
Do you believe in soul-mate?
Let me tell you a story.
When first mankind were formed they have two brains, two hearts, two heads like two peoples combined. They are so strong and wise. They can win even gods. The gods scared of mankind strength spliced them into two peoples. Then became human as we are. When two correct halves met, they can overthrow the gods. Unfortunately, there is one person when the gods try to split him, one half has two brains and the other got two hearts. Since that day the half-with-two-brains work hard to win Gods but he couldn't because he is just a half. But his brains make him so proud that he couldn't care to look for his other half. The half-with-two-hearts kept looking for his other half because he couldn't do anything without it but he never found his half because he is too dumb.
End of story...

Which half am I? Shiranai yo

How many times my heart has to break

It is almost official. He is dating her.
Eventhough I tried to be reasonable, my heart just won't listen.
Kataomoi is always painful. More painful when you are longing for the 'STAR'.
When not just any star but brightest and shiniest star.
The star everyone waiting with their plam open wide to be fall on.
What I wanted is just for that 'STAR' to be shining with all it might over everyone no ni

Do I want the 'STAR' to shine and burn alone for everyone sake?
Of course not! That is the reason I am sufferring now, I think.

Battle of reasons and feelings.
Whichever side wins battle field is always ugly.
It will left damage and dead bodies.
We want more for everything. Never contenting.
We know reasons yet we scream treason.
It gave its all. We search for more.
Now it found its happiness, we realized what we've lost and feeling sad.
So tell me now and tell me true...
Now this fault lies in who...

'STAR' is not wrong. I wish for his happiness. And I will keep on loving forever.
Kono kataomoi ni owaru ga nai no nara
Sore demo ii
Kono kataomoi wo mamotte hoshii
mada nani mo dekinai koi nandesu

Oh My Pi !OMP!

Can someone die from happiness or cuteness?
Well, I almost did... BB ep9 has such a cute start.
I can't stop grinning after 5 mins into it.
I am scared to watch further. They said depressing and irritating later.
What should I do ne?
Even though I really hate indecisive guys, Naoki's kindness pulled me in.
Two more weeks? I don't want it to finish. Best romance drama of the year or last 5 years.
Thank you, FujiTV, for this incredible summer.

Tomo, kono tanoshii natsu de arigatou!

He's back in the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, you read it right. He is back in the game.
Maybe becuz of that kiss. But def. he is back.
He was in three of four serveys conduct via internet.
AND above 5th position for all. XDDDD I told you, he is back.

Strangely enough, I dreamt of Massu last night.
I wonder why ne...
He was cute nonetheless. And some pouting of his lips too.
Did I like Massu that much in my unconscious mind?

Anyway today is a marvelous day...

Tomo, daisuki da yo

D*mn

Can my english get any worse?
I told my Boss this morning "Oh I didn't SAW you on the bus"
My Boss just looked at me with his eye wide open.
So shameful that I could die on the spot.
OMG if I recalled again, I felt like dying again.
This is gonna haunt me at least a month.
My English is not good but I should know that much, right?
Who say "I didn't saw you." or "You didn't knew that you weren't supposed to said that?"
Arggggggggg..... Luckily there is no school today. Otherwise I will die, definitely sure...

Tomo... doushite