I am 28 year old~~~ desu

Thirty is approaching and I am still nothing.
My main problem is I don't want to be something.
I really want a house even though that's more for my mom.
Except from that I just want to graduate with respectable grade.

I read my new year resolutions from Jan. I can't cross out anything yet.
December is coming soon. Now I remember why I never had NY resolutions.
Because I never fulfill them.
Hahaha.... what a loser!!!
I will try to have one cross out after new year.
I really need self control and stronger will power. *sigh*

My other half, Tomohisa had a very busy year.
He had 2 dramas, 2 singles, 1 album, 1 collab-singlle, 1 concert tour, 1 documentary and 1 radio show in a year.
And here I am still calling him my other half shamelessly.
He is more like my other 3/4 because I am not even half of him in every way.


Woahhh I sound so depressed. Must be my stomachache writing.

kinishinaite. daijoubu desu.

It's been so long!!!

10 years ago today, I came to this little island called Singapore.
17 years old, full of dreams, naive and proud young girl :)
It has been 10 years...
fulfilled some of old dreams, found a few new dreams, still a little naive with unchanged Pride, no more young woman ;)

Should I start something new like I did in 2002.
Should I change job? 

Should I move to another country?
10 years in this little island is too long.

I don't regret how I spent those years although I didn't accomplished much.
I made mistakes, big ones and bigger ones but I am what I am now from all the things I went through.
I want to thanks all the people I met in this 10 years.
Some still my best friends, some not in contact, some hate my guts :D

I think I changed most when I got to know him. His philosophy to life made me a clam person that I am now.
Thank you Tomo for the strength and path you show me in my depressing days.

Let's work for better 2012 ne...

Times are flying by...

When they say time flies, it is only metaphorically.
Time doesn't fly, silly. Time teleport!
It still feels like I met Tomo yesterday. But it already been 4 months and 14 days.
A lot happened between these months.
I went back to my home country after 3 years, passed all my exams and started another semester, doubted Tomo for his sincerity, almost given up on NEWS, lost nice amount of weight.
Of all those thing why did I doubt Tomo????

I knew all along that if I lost my trust in Tomo, my life would be meaningless.
I am not a teenage emo kid who gonna kill herself for an idol.
What I mean is, he said very meaningful things, things you can learn from, things that made you rethink about your life, your action, your goals and your dreams.
If I can't trust him anymore, what will happen to all these I followed.
When someone preaching these values was lying through his teeth, what should I do?
You can say he is just one guy. There are other people who are truthful.
But you don't know Tomo. He practice what he preached. If he truly lied, he was a damn good liar.

I had all those conspiracy theories in my head. Tomo is actually a very cunning guy.
He masked his true self with all those righteous words. When he got tired of all fame he will show his true self.
But after all that trip and photos, I am scared about my theories coming true.
It hurts when the thing you believe in what just a sham. My pride hurts. My brain hurts. My heart hurts.

When you truly love someone, you will forgive their mistakes. Is it really true?
I will continue to love him but I won't forgive.
Yurusanai!!! dakedo aishiteru <3

Conflicted "I"

First post of the 2011. woot woot...
Best NEWS of the year goes to "I am meeting Tomo in April". YAYYYYY
Worst NEWS "I failed two subjects last semester". Yayyyy

Back to title, I feel so conflicted between letting go and clinging on.
I really want to let go but if I let go, maybe I might not want to catch it again.
If I don't catch it again, my existence will become meaningless.
But clinging onto it is also extremely tiring.

This problem make me don't want to study. I can't afford to fail any more.
Sometime (almost all the time) I want Tomo's determination. See you in April Darling

what I feels like doing now

First and foremost, I want to sleep now kekeke
I really want to watch my little guys performing...
but I can sense chaos just by a glance.
I think I am too old to join in that fantastic nightmare.

Wow!!! I just want to do only this two things.
I think I had been enlightened.
But I feels good to not have any wants or desires.

I guess that's why I am getting further away from my friends???
They have too many worries that I feel not really important.
And they think that I have everything.
I don't have everything. I just don't want everything.
Not wanting everything aka contentment make your life peaceful and relaxing.

But, but I really want to meet Tomo in person. *heart* sometimes heart is stubbron kekeke

Couples Argh....

Now I realize that our ancestors were wise.
They left words of wisdom for us. One of those is "Never go between Husband and Wife."
Going between means you don't side with one when they are quarreling *like me*.
I was naive or stupid or whatever, and try to reason with my mom and dad.
I wasn't even finished talking why I thought whichever one of them was right, they were giggling and teasing each others.
Just really argh.... for me. I won't never ever gonna justified when they quarrel again.

Oh btw I move to a new office and I am freaking loving it.......

Hell yeah!!!! One in a Million is damn good. I love it more than MOLA & Loveless. Tomo daisuki

Truely my resting place, this is...

I am watching some little guys tomorrow.
My first time seeing people I love LIVE.
How I wish I can see him really soon too.

I don't like the things going around THE GROUP...
I get the feeling someone really trying to do harm to the Group.
All the solo activities and solo cons.... hmmmm....
Is JE trying to tell us something? Like if we don't spend more effort on the Group, they are gonna shelf them???
I am going crazy, I know...
It's just that sweden-pair releasing another mini-album making me more nervous.

Even so, there is Joe in Ashita hahaha I know I am lame...

Soulmate desu ka...

I saw one question in web.
Do you believe in soul-mate?
Let me tell you a story.
When first mankind were formed they have two brains, two hearts, two heads like two peoples combined. They are so strong and wise. They can win even gods. The gods scared of mankind strength spliced them into two peoples. Then became human as we are. When two correct halves met, they can overthrow the gods. Unfortunately, there is one person when the gods try to split him, one half has two brains and the other got two hearts. Since that day the half-with-two-brains work hard to win Gods but he couldn't because he is just a half. But his brains make him so proud that he couldn't care to look for his other half. The half-with-two-hearts kept looking for his other half because he couldn't do anything without it but he never found his half because he is too dumb.
End of story...

Which half am I? Shiranai yo

!!!Tomodachi wa Taisetsuna-mono desu!!!

I just connected back with the cluster of my ex-schoolmates.
Wonder how much they have change. I, myself, change big time.
Firstly, broke up with my boyfriend who everyone thought was my soul mate, other half or whatever.
Next, no guys beside me like it used to be, to many of their surprise.
And, I'm learning Japanese.
And, my whole family is here.
And, I am fat...
I want to see how much all this can surprise them.
Maybe not much not 'cuz these aren't shocking, but mainly 'cuz they don't care about me that much anymore.

I had expected that anyway.
I was the one who came out from their cluster and went away with my ex-bf.
I was naive back then or in romantic way "blindly in love".

Still I am same old romanticist. So I am happy with "my littele Pi&I world".
But I am naive no more. I am gonna treasure all of them truely this time. Maa... that's what he'd like me to do...

Yoku Ganbatta sou na... Otsukaresamadesita

oooYou are the place my life beginsxxx

Looking at his photo, a song came to my mind.
Flying without Wings by Westlife. My fav band from my teens.
I still love them. Love their voice. Love the words in the songs.

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
This song, really touch my heart since the first time I heard.

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
But when I found him, I can relate to the song better than ever.

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
I really thought I can find it in my solitary life. I did.
Well not a line, just a word of "Konbachiwa" can make me fly now.

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
I found it in friendship of course. Or more like comrade.
We were not best of friends but we share same heart beat.
He introduced them to me.

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete
I will definitely fight for my dreams. Biggest dreams of meeting him.
Tell him how he changed my life, a few others' lives on his way of his own life.

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
I won't expect this to fulfill. But I can say how much I love you anytime anywhere.

It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
Yes, he is my special thing. Thinking about him alone can make me soar high.

"And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends"

I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

I feel so far from him. I AM far from him but never in my heart.
Right now, I feel like I am very very far away from him.
Is he feeling down? Last time he had some internal struggle, I feel terrible too.
Is he alright?
You must fight on, Dear. Now is the time testing your strength.
I miss him so much. Time is testing my strength too.
But you are my special thing, I'm not gonna let you go.

Ima made, Kore kara, Itsumademo, zutto hanasanai kara... Soba ni itekurete hoshii

This feeling in My <3

The friend I got a few weeks a go?
I think she hate me now. Maybe I really shouldn't said what I think about you, P.
When I thought I found who will share my feelings ne...
That's why I don't want any new friends... I hate to pretend. I hate to compromise. I hate to lose someone.
When there is nothing, I lose nothing...
I love your new single...
I am glad I ordered both editions ^^
Ganbatte... Sekai no NEWS made

nee, Tomo... daisuki...

#@$&#*@&%^$

Like someone says, I must get this out of me or I will explode.
His group new single is coming out and with DVD this time.
But other 2 units are start selling Album and Concert DVD the same day.
You know what, all are from same Angency. o_O

First other unit released two new single last month and this month.
Second other unit finished their tour almost same time as His group.
AND HIS GROUP RELEASED THEIR LAST ALBUM LAST YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't f*ck with me...
I am so pissed now...
If I know how to I want to swear very bad at JE.

What's more, DVD coming with news single is from DIAMOND.
People are suspecting no Concert DVD this year.
If that happened, you are dead JE... I am not lying...

I will warn you this time only.
I am a very stressed working girl.
My only relaxation is his group and him.
If anyone make their life miserable, YOU feel my wrath to your bones.

Tomo, sore wa anata e no atashi no ai desu...

````No Title''''

I made a new friend yesterday. How?
Nowadays only something connect to Pi can interest me.
So she is someone who know a lot about him.
She is nice. Friendly. Give me a lot of info of Pi.
I don't know her name yet. I'd like to know but it is not important.
It is good to have someone to talk about your love.
'Cause everybody around me don't take my feeling seriously.

Tomo, thank you for letting me know her.
You always bring me luck and joy. Maybe you ARE my lucky star.
ohhh like always, my post trun out talking to him.
Anyway Tomo daisuki...

----if you have to chose++++

Today I saw one breath taking photo... of him
I want to see what he was looking...
I want to know what he was thinking...
I want to feel what he was feeling...


'cause he looks so peaceful and beautiful
I am losing my mind and reasons
Does this call LOVE?
If this is not love, I know I won't be in love all my life...
'cause this is my limit... I can't love anyone like this anymore

Tomo, daisuki...

... I am amazed by myself ...

Untill now everybody said I am so carzy over him...
But I always thought I have a control over myself.
Little did I know is I don't have control at all...
Today at work, fire alarm went off suddenly...
At that moment, only thing I can think of is to check LJ ^^
"I want to know what is the latest news of him before I die", that was what I am thinking.
Tell me and tell me again; I am crazy... beyond redemption... now I finally realise...
By the way, that fire alarm was false alram. Damn...

Hello... get a life please

She is very whiny and annoying...
I love my job and my working environment...
if she don't like it, that is her problem...
she said her parents are rich, her bf is rich, her bro is rich...
dose she still need to work for her school fees if she fine that job miserable...
she keep whining she wants to quit...