I am 28 year old~~~ desu

Thirty is approaching and I am still nothing.
My main problem is I don't want to be something.
I really want a house even though that's more for my mom.
Except from that I just want to graduate with respectable grade.

I read my new year resolutions from Jan. I can't cross out anything yet.
December is coming soon. Now I remember why I never had NY resolutions.
Because I never fulfill them.
Hahaha.... what a loser!!!
I will try to have one cross out after new year.
I really need self control and stronger will power. *sigh*

My other half, Tomohisa had a very busy year.
He had 2 dramas, 2 singles, 1 album, 1 collab-singlle, 1 concert tour, 1 documentary and 1 radio show in a year.
And here I am still calling him my other half shamelessly.
He is more like my other 3/4 because I am not even half of him in every way.


Woahhh I sound so depressed. Must be my stomachache writing.

kinishinaite. daijoubu desu.

It's been so long!!!

10 years ago today, I came to this little island called Singapore.
17 years old, full of dreams, naive and proud young girl :)
It has been 10 years...
fulfilled some of old dreams, found a few new dreams, still a little naive with unchanged Pride, no more young woman ;)

Should I start something new like I did in 2002.
Should I change job? 

Should I move to another country?
10 years in this little island is too long.

I don't regret how I spent those years although I didn't accomplished much.
I made mistakes, big ones and bigger ones but I am what I am now from all the things I went through.
I want to thanks all the people I met in this 10 years.
Some still my best friends, some not in contact, some hate my guts :D

I think I changed most when I got to know him. His philosophy to life made me a clam person that I am now.
Thank you Tomo for the strength and path you show me in my depressing days.

Let's work for better 2012 ne...

Resolution ka!!

New Year is fast approaching.

When I see other people crossing out their last year resolutions, I feel jealous.

I didn't have one for last year or previous years.

I will be 28 coming year and I don't have any goal or dream yet. Am I a loser in life?

So... I will make resolution for 2012.

Very first thing

1) to be able to communicate in Japanese by end of 2012.

2) send my parents on 5 Star Cruise Holiday

3) At least get 1 A in exam

4) get back my ideal weight ie. 52kg

5) take less than 10 days leave

6) go to Japan for concert of a)Tomo b)NEWS c)AAA d)Mr. Children

I hope I can fulfilled at least 4 of those 6.

Jyaaa let's see which I can crossed out in Dec 2012.

7th October 2011

4 days after my birthday...

Toma's birthday...

The day my dream of watching 6-nin NEWS concert was destroyed...

Tomo and Nishikido left NEWS.

Remaining 4 will carry on as NEWS because they don't want NEWS to disappear.

Why Tomo has to be the one who leave? 

I know he has his reasons but still WHY???

I naively thought that I knew him so well. Ha! I didn't know shit...

We will forgive him when he told us his reasons and KYA-ing with starry eyes. *sigh*

I wish 4-nin new NEWS all the best and NEWS fans won't make me scared to check on them.

After all I am traitor's supporter...

Soredemo Daisuki dayo Tomo

Dreams do come true

23rd April 2011

I finally met him in person. Everything passed by in a flash. Everything is still like a dream. He is really handsome and nice just like everyone said.

Arrr I really don't want to write. I feel like my feelings will disappeared after I write down everything. I still can't believe I met him, I went to his concert, I sang Happy Birthday to him. Tears are still flowing when I think about it.

First of all, they had a very fierce thunderstorm starting around 3:30pm. We went there early to collect tickets and buy goods. But we were stuck in the rain. Lots of people came early for goods too. We lined up for concert goods in narrow place. After we got what we wanted, we went out for dinner. We were back just before 7pm and security was very strict for camera. Stage settings were very nice and flags with dragon logo were pretty. I felt like I was in some kind of palace.

When the light dimmed and music start playing, everybody rushed to the railing. I didn't expect that so I was a beat late. Being short and two-bodied layer away from railing, I opt out to watch just standing near the seats. He didn't sing much live. But I didn't really care. He danced with all his might. He spoke very clear and good English. Things went by very fast from here. I am going to kept those memory only in my heart. One thing for sure, we didn't have any eye contact. Not even once, I caught his eyes. I didn't expect I will though I wished so much. When I think about it now, I can't even recall all the songs he sang. I almost cried when he sang Saigo no Love Song. One girl in front of me cried.

開演のアナウンス響いてる
きっと君は来ないだろう
約束した頃は　こんな日が来るなんて
思わなかった僕たち
The curtain call announcement resonates
I’m sure you didn’t come back out
Back when we promised about how we
Didn’t believe this day would come

大切な夢のために頑張っている　君の姿が好きで
「どんな時も僕が応援する」なんて
言ってたくせして　旅立つ君のこと責めた
I loved that figure of yours when you tried your best for the sake of your precious dreams
I said “I’ll support you no matter when”
It was a habit, so I blame you as you set out on a journey

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなラブ・ソングに　胸の奥が熱くなる
何回も君と聴いた　その言葉が突き刺さる
ひとりぼっちじゃ　悲しすぎる歌だね…
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
That love song makes my heart warmer
Time and time again when I listened with you, the words pierce me
The song is too sad to listen to all alone…

初めて会った日を思い出す
今日と同じコンサート
斜め前の君は　僕と目が合うたび
笑いかけてくれたね
I remember the day when I first met you
It was concert like today's
You were diagonally in front of me and our eyes met
You laughed at me, didn’t you?

叶えたい夢のために遠い街へ　君が行くこと聞いて
「離れてても二人変わらないよ」なんて
誓っていたのに　夢見る君のこと責めた
I heard you went to a far away town in order for your dreams to come true
“Even if we’re apart, we won’t change”
We vowed that but, I blame you for seeing dreams

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなラブ・ソングに　身体中が震えてる
どうやって君を忘れ　今日からどう生きてゆく
この先ずっと　こんな歌は聴かない…
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
That love song shakes my whole body
How am I going to forget you, how am I going to live from today
From now on, I’m not going to listening to this song…

ほんとはもっと言いたいことや
確かめたかったことがあったのに
今さら遅すぎる　何もかも全部
拍手の波の中　僕だけが飛び出していた　ひとり
Truthfully, there was more that I wanted to say and
Things I wanted to confirm
Now it’s too late, everything and anything
In the sea of applause, only I am leaping out, alone

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなことないよと　胸の奥が叫んでる
何回も君と聴いた　ラブ・ソングが遠くなる
ひとりぼっちじゃ　悲しすぎる
それでも僕は　君に会えてよかった・
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
My hearts screams that it’s not true
Time and time again when I listened with you, the love song feels distant
Being alone is too sad
Even so, I’m glad that I met you

But every second with him was Heaven. Every air I breathed in have his present. I believe I can talk to him one day. I can touch his hand one day. After all, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.

Tomo, imademo, korekaramo, itsudemo aishiteru kara aimassho ne

Love Song

I want to shout out loud if possible that I love Tomo with all my heart.
I was wavering so much from younger ones to younger ones.
Now I realized that nobody can replaced Tomo. No matter how young, handsome, talented they are.
Tomo has passion for his work, love for his fans and gratitude to his profession.


I am proud to love him and called him my Idol. He really is an Idol. MY IDOL

Bored and bored

I feel like doing nothing...
I have to study, work, exercise. I can't seem to have mood to do those.
Having stuffy nose doesn't help either.
It's a relieve that I don't have school today.
I need something exciting to happen in my life.
What should I do? hmmm....
All the slow songs playing from my Ipod is not really helping the mood. *sigh*

I really like this song... SHINee - Last Gift

Was it yesterday when things started going to amiss?
Where did it all go wrong exactly?
My heart can’t let you go…
Is it really the end?

It’s not easy for me like my farewell greeting
My heart won’t become mine to control
I guess I’ll have to make an indefinite decision to forget you
So I can bear with it all

The ring I placed on your finger
Returns to my hand cold (I can’t let you go)
I received my heart back in return
My LAST GIFT
Is this separation…

what I feels like doing now

First and foremost, I want to sleep now kekeke
I really want to watch my little guys performing...
but I can sense chaos just by a glance.
I think I am too old to join in that fantastic nightmare.

Wow!!! I just want to do only this two things.
I think I had been enlightened.
But I feels good to not have any wants or desires.

I guess that's why I am getting further away from my friends???
They have too many worries that I feel not really important.
And they think that I have everything.
I don't have everything. I just don't want everything.
Not wanting everything aka contentment make your life peaceful and relaxing.

But, but I really want to meet Tomo in person. *heart* sometimes heart is stubbron kekeke

Truely my resting place, this is...

I am watching some little guys tomorrow.
My first time seeing people I love LIVE.
How I wish I can see him really soon too.

I don't like the things going around THE GROUP...
I get the feeling someone really trying to do harm to the Group.
All the solo activities and solo cons.... hmmmm....
Is JE trying to tell us something? Like if we don't spend more effort on the Group, they are gonna shelf them???
I am going crazy, I know...
It's just that sweden-pair releasing another mini-album making me more nervous.

Even so, there is Joe in Ashita hahaha I know I am lame...

Another Entry; Another Tear

Today, where we were shooting, it has started to snow
It’s been so long since I’ve seen snow.

When I was still in elementary school, I used to try to catch the snowflakes in my palm and try to make out the different patterns with the naked eye.

I was so serious about that (laughs)

I used to be serious about so many things at that age.

Everything that I saw with my eyes or felt, I would seriously respond to.

Frankly however, now that I have gotten used to this job, I’ve become less serious about many things.

Now, I'm only serious towards things that I really like.

music, dancing, acting

The more I'm sure about the things I like to do,
the more I'm ignorant towards things that I'm not interested in.

Also, because I've experienced it before,
I do not feel touched at alot of things already.

However, today, as I was shooting in a town near Tokyo, there was a child wearing one of my concert T-shirts, as if he was saying “I’m wearing Yamapi’s T-shirt!”. He was smiling at me with a brilliant smile.

Thank you!

It made me really happy!

I guess he must have gone to one of my concerts, and after watching him, I went on a sudden emotional high.

Even though I’ve experienced many things already and my emotions have become less intense, however I’ve realized that in places where I haven’t yet been, there are people who have been supporting me at the sidelines.

At the same time, after experiencing this, I ponder. Where do I stand?

And I still don’t really know.

However, that child that looked genuinely pleased to see me.
So that anyone who watches me from now on will just let out a smile, I want to give these people new touching or really great music and show them what I feel is the best.

I feel like this has been written really messily.
From now on, I’ll try everything!

(translated by pikira)

Amongst the fans of every famous person, we, Pi's fans are the luckiest and most spoiled.
Do you want proof?
He wrote nikki everyday for 6 years. Vol 2261. Freaking 2261 days... AND THAT"S FOR US.
He broke up with his rumored GF cuz she is playing us.
He do Solo concert to thanks us. (even some will argue that's for him. I would say, "You don't know him well. He don't have to do solo con to earn money. Don't have to practice days and nights for all the dance." Got it.)
Whatever he's doing, he worries what we will think about it.
Never lied to us. Even for tiniest things, he will keep quiet if he don't want to say the truth. But NO LIES.
If he see something beautiful, he will remember us first. (Don't think so? Read his 2261 entries!)
He treasure us. Everyone can see that, feel that, notice that. (You still don't? Go to his cons. Watch his cons. See how he interact with the fans?)
Still don't think so? Re-read the above nikki. Can you understand his heart?

I am so glad that I bought a T-shirt for 55$. I might be breaking my rules and out of my principle but am I glad that I bought.
He really is attached to that T-shirt. Well what do you expect, his face is on that. XDDD

Oh My Pi !OMP!

Can someone die from happiness or cuteness?
Well, I almost did... BB ep9 has such a cute start.
I can't stop grinning after 5 mins into it.
I am scared to watch further. They said depressing and irritating later.
What should I do ne?
Even though I really hate indecisive guys, Naoki's kindness pulled me in.
Two more weeks? I don't want it to finish. Best romance drama of the year or last 5 years.
Thank you, FujiTV, for this incredible summer.

Tomo, kono tanoshii natsu de arigatou!

He's back in the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, you read it right. He is back in the game.
Maybe becuz of that kiss. But def. he is back.
He was in three of four serveys conduct via internet.
AND above 5th position for all. XDDDD I told you, he is back.

Strangely enough, I dreamt of Massu last night.
I wonder why ne...
He was cute nonetheless. And some pouting of his lips too.
Did I like Massu that much in my unconscious mind?

Anyway today is a marvelous day...

Tomo, daisuki da yo

D*mn

Can my english get any worse?
I told my Boss this morning "Oh I didn't SAW you on the bus"
My Boss just looked at me with his eye wide open.
So shameful that I could die on the spot.
OMG if I recalled again, I felt like dying again.
This is gonna haunt me at least a month.
My English is not good but I should know that much, right?
Who say "I didn't saw you." or "You didn't knew that you weren't supposed to said that?"
Arggggggggg..... Luckily there is no school today. Otherwise I will die, definitely sure...

Tomo... doushite

New life? New death?

I am gonna be damn busy from next week onward. i.e if I do things I should do.
My new life of student is starting.
I hope my current life of working adult won't die from exhaustion.
Every morning, I am gonna need someone (i prefer Tomo if possible) whispering Dertermination, Perservation to my ears.
I will overcome this 5 years. With Tomo by my side.
Hope I don't piss all of my family and friends off by trying to remain myself sane.

Jya raigettsu ni aimasho ka

Majide???

I really can't believe my father think something wrong with my head.
What are his reasons???
I broke up with my boyfriend; I don't look for new boyfriend;
I am trying to lose weight; I am learning to speak Japanese;
I like one of Japanese Idol; I am dreaming of marrying him (ok this may BE the main point)...
But seriously Dad. I am not going insane over one break up.
There are a lot of single women in the world.
If all of them are lonely, I don't mind joining them at pub drowning my loneliness
than cleaning up after the kids or waiting for THE man of the house to arrive "drunk".
That I will pass.
I don't mind smiling at other people's kids and buy them ice-cream.
But I DO mind scolding my kids and washing their ice-cream stained shirts.

There is no way I can tell my dad all these. and -120% he will convince I am sane.
WHATEVER....

Tomo, dou shiyou ka

!!!Tomodachi wa Taisetsuna-mono desu!!!

I just connected back with the cluster of my ex-schoolmates.
Wonder how much they have change. I, myself, change big time.
Firstly, broke up with my boyfriend who everyone thought was my soul mate, other half or whatever.
Next, no guys beside me like it used to be, to many of their surprise.
And, I'm learning Japanese.
And, my whole family is here.
And, I am fat...
I want to see how much all this can surprise them.
Maybe not much not 'cuz these aren't shocking, but mainly 'cuz they don't care about me that much anymore.

I had expected that anyway.
I was the one who came out from their cluster and went away with my ex-bf.
I was naive back then or in romantic way "blindly in love".

Still I am same old romanticist. So I am happy with "my littele Pi&I world".
But I am naive no more. I am gonna treasure all of them truely this time. Maa... that's what he'd like me to do...

Yoku Ganbatta sou na... Otsukaresamadesita

>>>Feelings<<<

I hated to look for a job. I really did. I would rather starve to death than that.
Now I found something I hate more. To look for a job for my dad.
All the things are not in his favor.
And when I see my mom hopeful face when receive one or two email which are not even about the jobs, it is the worst.
I know exactly how she felt.
Feeling hopefully this email is asking for interview. and want to be happy but not sure if it is for interview.
Then I tell her flatly "no, this is just some junk mail" in a tone of how come you are so back-dated with IT things.
I feel like I am the worst. People tend to angry when they surpressed their feelings for so long?
Maybe that's what I am. I don't cry. I don't get angry. I don't get friendly. I don't even have emotion at times.


Tomo, tasukete!

!Now you know why I love him so much!

Konbachiwa!

Today I went boxing.

I'm more tired than usual!

Even though I only practised till Round 5 of the "15 minute" set boxing routine
I'm already so tired that I'm nearly out of breath.

Compared to 2,3 years ago, this time is really much more tiring!

It's so frustrating.

I must work harder. (Laugh)

Even though the intention is very simple, I hate to lose therefore I must work hard.

I must practise until at Round 5,
my face does not change colour and still able to do the Hallelujah~ Chance!


And also with this kind of simple intention, that's why I'm able to continue till the 2000th entry, I think.

It's also because all of you are reading my diaries.


Arigato ne


Then there's the staff san who help to take care of my original entries

From time to time, I always could not complete my original entries within the stated time frame

Thanks for not giving up on me all these years!

The reason why those who came to read my diaries is due to the fact that they have come to know about me through the various magazines that I had appeared, the various drama that I had acted in.

From there, it was the first time that you know about my existence, isn't that so.

Therefore, a lot of people are looking at me.

There are doubtful times.

I do not know.

But everyone seems to know about me.

Therefore I want to work even harder.

Taking with me, the thankful feelings towards everyone, working harder.

Those of you who have always been supporting me I would want to look at everyone in the eyes and say from the bottom of my heart

Thank you for your continual support.
Hence, from now onwards, please stay by my side. (Laugh)


I will give my best!
From now onwards, please support xxxx too.

This is his diary entry for 2000th volume. He is someone you can rely on, don't you think so.
Things like that make my love bigger and bigger for him.
How I wish he know.
On other side I think he knows, he knows there are people like me who love him dearly.

No work and No News

Lately, he is very free.
No work for him yet, I think. (at least no news leak to fandom yet)
I am kind of worry.


What if he got depressed? Feel like his popularity decreasing?
Seems like I am the one got depressed instead ^_^


He is strong. He said that himself and his personality shows it too.


Ja this will be my nikki for today.
I have no topic too. (laugh)