7th October 2011

4 days after my birthday...

Toma's birthday...

The day my dream of watching 6-nin NEWS concert was destroyed...

Tomo and Nishikido left NEWS.

Remaining 4 will carry on as NEWS because they don't want NEWS to disappear.

Why Tomo has to be the one who leave? 

I know he has his reasons but still WHY???

I naively thought that I knew him so well. Ha! I didn't know shit...

We will forgive him when he told us his reasons and KYA-ing with starry eyes. *sigh*

I wish 4-nin new NEWS all the best and NEWS fans won't make me scared to check on them.

After all I am traitor's supporter...

Soredemo Daisuki dayo Tomo

Times are flying by...

When they say time flies, it is only metaphorically.
Time doesn't fly, silly. Time teleport!
It still feels like I met Tomo yesterday. But it already been 4 months and 14 days.
A lot happened between these months.
I went back to my home country after 3 years, passed all my exams and started another semester, doubted Tomo for his sincerity, almost given up on NEWS, lost nice amount of weight.
Of all those thing why did I doubt Tomo????

I knew all along that if I lost my trust in Tomo, my life would be meaningless.
I am not a teenage emo kid who gonna kill herself for an idol.
What I mean is, he said very meaningful things, things you can learn from, things that made you rethink about your life, your action, your goals and your dreams.
If I can't trust him anymore, what will happen to all these I followed.
When someone preaching these values was lying through his teeth, what should I do?
You can say he is just one guy. There are other people who are truthful.
But you don't know Tomo. He practice what he preached. If he truly lied, he was a damn good liar.

I had all those conspiracy theories in my head. Tomo is actually a very cunning guy.
He masked his true self with all those righteous words. When he got tired of all fame he will show his true self.
But after all that trip and photos, I am scared about my theories coming true.
It hurts when the thing you believe in what just a sham. My pride hurts. My brain hurts. My heart hurts.

When you truly love someone, you will forgive their mistakes. Is it really true?
I will continue to love him but I won't forgive.
Yurusanai!!! dakedo aishiteru <3

Dreams do come true

23rd April 2011

I finally met him in person. Everything passed by in a flash. Everything is still like a dream. He is really handsome and nice just like everyone said.

Arrr I really don't want to write. I feel like my feelings will disappeared after I write down everything. I still can't believe I met him, I went to his concert, I sang Happy Birthday to him. Tears are still flowing when I think about it.

First of all, they had a very fierce thunderstorm starting around 3:30pm. We went there early to collect tickets and buy goods. But we were stuck in the rain. Lots of people came early for goods too. We lined up for concert goods in narrow place. After we got what we wanted, we went out for dinner. We were back just before 7pm and security was very strict for camera. Stage settings were very nice and flags with dragon logo were pretty. I felt like I was in some kind of palace.

When the light dimmed and music start playing, everybody rushed to the railing. I didn't expect that so I was a beat late. Being short and two-bodied layer away from railing, I opt out to watch just standing near the seats. He didn't sing much live. But I didn't really care. He danced with all his might. He spoke very clear and good English. Things went by very fast from here. I am going to kept those memory only in my heart. One thing for sure, we didn't have any eye contact. Not even once, I caught his eyes. I didn't expect I will though I wished so much. When I think about it now, I can't even recall all the songs he sang. I almost cried when he sang Saigo no Love Song. One girl in front of me cried.

開演のアナウンス響いてる
きっと君は来ないだろう
約束した頃は　こんな日が来るなんて
思わなかった僕たち
The curtain call announcement resonates
I’m sure you didn’t come back out
Back when we promised about how we
Didn’t believe this day would come

大切な夢のために頑張っている　君の姿が好きで
「どんな時も僕が応援する」なんて
言ってたくせして　旅立つ君のこと責めた
I loved that figure of yours when you tried your best for the sake of your precious dreams
I said “I’ll support you no matter when”
It was a habit, so I blame you as you set out on a journey

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなラブ・ソングに　胸の奥が熱くなる
何回も君と聴いた　その言葉が突き刺さる
ひとりぼっちじゃ　悲しすぎる歌だね…
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
That love song makes my heart warmer
Time and time again when I listened with you, the words pierce me
The song is too sad to listen to all alone…

初めて会った日を思い出す
今日と同じコンサート
斜め前の君は　僕と目が合うたび
笑いかけてくれたね
I remember the day when I first met you
It was concert like today's
You were diagonally in front of me and our eyes met
You laughed at me, didn’t you?

叶えたい夢のために遠い街へ　君が行くこと聞いて
「離れてても二人変わらないよ」なんて
誓っていたのに　夢見る君のこと責めた
I heard you went to a far away town in order for your dreams to come true
“Even if we’re apart, we won’t change”
We vowed that but, I blame you for seeing dreams

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなラブ・ソングに　身体中が震えてる
どうやって君を忘れ　今日からどう生きてゆく
この先ずっと　こんな歌は聴かない…
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
That love song shakes my whole body
How am I going to forget you, how am I going to live from today
From now on, I’m not going to listening to this song…

ほんとはもっと言いたいことや
確かめたかったことがあったのに
今さら遅すぎる　何もかも全部
拍手の波の中　僕だけが飛び出していた　ひとり
Truthfully, there was more that I wanted to say and
Things I wanted to confirm
Now it’s too late, everything and anything
In the sea of applause, only I am leaping out, alone

恋なんてしないほうが　幸せな気がした
そんなことないよと　胸の奥が叫んでる
何回も君と聴いた　ラブ・ソングが遠くなる
ひとりぼっちじゃ　悲しすぎる
それでも僕は　君に会えてよかった・
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
My hearts screams that it’s not true
Time and time again when I listened with you, the love song feels distant
Being alone is too sad
Even so, I’m glad that I met you

But every second with him was Heaven. Every air I breathed in have his present. I believe I can talk to him one day. I can touch his hand one day. After all, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.

Tomo, imademo, korekaramo, itsudemo aishiteru kara aimassho ne

Love Song

I want to shout out loud if possible that I love Tomo with all my heart.
I was wavering so much from younger ones to younger ones.
Now I realized that nobody can replaced Tomo. No matter how young, handsome, talented they are.
Tomo has passion for his work, love for his fans and gratitude to his profession.


I am proud to love him and called him my Idol. He really is an Idol. MY IDOL

Conflicted "I"

First post of the 2011. woot woot...
Best NEWS of the year goes to "I am meeting Tomo in April". YAYYYYY
Worst NEWS "I failed two subjects last semester". Yayyyy

Back to title, I feel so conflicted between letting go and clinging on.
I really want to let go but if I let go, maybe I might not want to catch it again.
If I don't catch it again, my existence will become meaningless.
But clinging onto it is also extremely tiring.

This problem make me don't want to study. I can't afford to fail any more.
Sometime (almost all the time) I want Tomo's determination. See you in April Darling

Couples Argh....

Now I realize that our ancestors were wise.
They left words of wisdom for us. One of those is "Never go between Husband and Wife."
Going between means you don't side with one when they are quarreling *like me*.
I was naive or stupid or whatever, and try to reason with my mom and dad.
I wasn't even finished talking why I thought whichever one of them was right, they were giggling and teasing each others.
Just really argh.... for me. I won't never ever gonna justified when they quarrel again.

Oh btw I move to a new office and I am freaking loving it.......

Hell yeah!!!! One in a Million is damn good. I love it more than MOLA & Loveless. Tomo daisuki

Another Entry; Another Tear

Today, where we were shooting, it has started to snow
It’s been so long since I’ve seen snow.

When I was still in elementary school, I used to try to catch the snowflakes in my palm and try to make out the different patterns with the naked eye.

I was so serious about that (laughs)

I used to be serious about so many things at that age.

Everything that I saw with my eyes or felt, I would seriously respond to.

Frankly however, now that I have gotten used to this job, I’ve become less serious about many things.

Now, I'm only serious towards things that I really like.

music, dancing, acting

The more I'm sure about the things I like to do,
the more I'm ignorant towards things that I'm not interested in.

Also, because I've experienced it before,
I do not feel touched at alot of things already.

However, today, as I was shooting in a town near Tokyo, there was a child wearing one of my concert T-shirts, as if he was saying “I’m wearing Yamapi’s T-shirt!”. He was smiling at me with a brilliant smile.

Thank you!

It made me really happy!

I guess he must have gone to one of my concerts, and after watching him, I went on a sudden emotional high.

Even though I’ve experienced many things already and my emotions have become less intense, however I’ve realized that in places where I haven’t yet been, there are people who have been supporting me at the sidelines.

At the same time, after experiencing this, I ponder. Where do I stand?

And I still don’t really know.

However, that child that looked genuinely pleased to see me.
So that anyone who watches me from now on will just let out a smile, I want to give these people new touching or really great music and show them what I feel is the best.

I feel like this has been written really messily.
From now on, I’ll try everything!

(translated by pikira)

Amongst the fans of every famous person, we, Pi's fans are the luckiest and most spoiled.
Do you want proof?
He wrote nikki everyday for 6 years. Vol 2261. Freaking 2261 days... AND THAT"S FOR US.
He broke up with his rumored GF cuz she is playing us.
He do Solo concert to thanks us. (even some will argue that's for him. I would say, "You don't know him well. He don't have to do solo con to earn money. Don't have to practice days and nights for all the dance." Got it.)
Whatever he's doing, he worries what we will think about it.
Never lied to us. Even for tiniest things, he will keep quiet if he don't want to say the truth. But NO LIES.
If he see something beautiful, he will remember us first. (Don't think so? Read his 2261 entries!)
He treasure us. Everyone can see that, feel that, notice that. (You still don't? Go to his cons. Watch his cons. See how he interact with the fans?)
Still don't think so? Re-read the above nikki. Can you understand his heart?

I am so glad that I bought a T-shirt for 55$. I might be breaking my rules and out of my principle but am I glad that I bought.
He really is attached to that T-shirt. Well what do you expect, his face is on that. XDDD

He's back in the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, you read it right. He is back in the game.
Maybe becuz of that kiss. But def. he is back.
He was in three of four serveys conduct via internet.
AND above 5th position for all. XDDDD I told you, he is back.

Strangely enough, I dreamt of Massu last night.
I wonder why ne...
He was cute nonetheless. And some pouting of his lips too.
Did I like Massu that much in my unconscious mind?

Anyway today is a marvelous day...

Tomo, daisuki da yo

another Hært-brǣk

Yes... another heart-break... but it will heal with his sweet smiles and repeated words
but right now, my heart is in pieces
because of that holding-hands
because of that bright smiles
because of that happy faces

my life was boring lately but...
I would still choose boredom over this anytime, anywhere, any circumstance
how long will it take this old wounded heart to heal this time
I am not scared cuz I know he will make it healed again...
He will make it jumping with excitement again...
As long as he is with me it will heal over and over again...

iroiro na koto arigatou korekara mo yoroshiku

"Say it ain't so, Joe"

Neeeeeee say it ain't so, Joe
He has girlfriend who can join his family and friend only dinner.
I really wish it is not happening.
I pretend as I am reasonable person.
But I am not. I am very sad and shock.
He is 24. He is healthy young man. Besides this is his life.
but all those not helping me at all. I hate reasonable thoughts.
Stay with me till 30, please. Only till 30.
My heart hurt.

Tomo, nande atashi no kokoro wo kirete hito wa anata no...

Special Day <3

Today is very special day for me.
24 years ago, little boy named Tomohisa arrived to the world. I was 6 months and 6 days old.
I never thought this little boy will become my world 20 years later.
Now he became my everything.
His words gives me hope to carry on with my life when I was walking like a blind man.
He gives me strength through his essays and interviews.
A guy younger than me working so hard made me ashamed of myself.
Made me begin to think about my future.
Made me reevaluate my value in society.
And everything little things like getting up early for work is not troublesome, eating alone in cafeteria is not bother me...
I don't know what I can give back to him for all these...
I will always be grateful to Naomi-mama for giving birth to him.
If only he can know my gratitude <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMOHISA
てんじょび　おめでとう