Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I am 28 year old~~~ desu

Thirty is approaching and I am still nothing.
My main problem is I don't want to be something.
I really want a house even though that's more for my mom.
Except from that I just want to graduate with respectable grade.

I read my new year resolutions from Jan. I can't cross out anything yet.

December is coming soon. Now I remember why I never had NY resolutions.
Because I never fulfill them.
Hahaha.... what a loser!!!
I will try to have one cross out after new year.
I really need self control and stronger will power. *sigh*

My other half, Tomohisa had a very busy year.

He had 2 dramas, 2 singles, 1 album, 1 collab-singlle, 1 concert tour, 1 documentary and 1 radio show in a year.
And here I am still calling him my other half shamelessly.
He is more like my other 3/4 because I am not even half of him in every way.

Woahhh I sound so depressed. Must be my stomachache writing.

kinishinaite. daijoubu desu.

Monday, January 2, 2012

It's been so long!!!

10 years ago today, I came to this little island called Singapore.
17 years old, full of dreams, naive and proud young girl :)
It has been 10 years...
fulfilled some of old dreams, found a few new dreams, still a little naive with unchanged Pride, no more young woman ;)

Should I start something new like I did in 2002.
Should I change job? 

Should I move to another country?
10 years in this little island is too long.

I don't regret how I spent those years although I didn't accomplished much.
I made mistakes, big ones and bigger ones but I am what I am now from all the things I went through.
I want to thanks all the people I met in this 10 years.
Some still my best friends, some not in contact, some hate my guts :D

I think I changed most when I got to know him. His philosophy to life made me a clam person that I am now.
Thank you Tomo for the strength and path you show me in my depressing days.

Let's work for better 2012 ne...

Monday, December 12, 2011

Resolution ka!!

New Year is fast approaching.
When I see other people crossing out their last year resolutions, I feel jealous.
I didn't have one for last year or previous years.
I will be 28 coming year and I don't have any goal or dream yet. Am I a loser in life?
So... I will make resolution for 2012.

Very first thing
1) to be able to communicate in Japanese by end of 2012.

2) send my parents on 5 Star Cruise Holiday

3) At least get 1 A in exam

4) get back my ideal weight ie. 52kg

5) take less than 10 days leave

6) go to Japan for concert of a)Tomo b)NEWS c)AAA d)Mr. Children

I hope I can fulfilled at least 4 of those 6.
Jyaaa let's see which I can crossed out in Dec 2012.

Friday, October 7, 2011

7th October 2011

4 days after my birthday...
Toma's birthday...
The day my dream of watching 6-nin NEWS concert was destroyed...

Tomo and Nishikido left NEWS.

Remaining 4 will carry on as NEWS because they don't want NEWS to disappear.
Why Tomo has to be the one who leave? 
I know he has his reasons but still WHY???
I naively thought that I knew him so well. Ha! I didn't know shit...
We will forgive him when he told us his reasons and KYA-ing with starry eyes. *sigh*
I wish 4-nin new NEWS all the best and NEWS fans won't make me scared to check on them.

After all I am traitor's supporter...

Soredemo Daisuki dayo Tomo

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Times are flying by...

When they say time flies, it is only metaphorically.
Time doesn't fly, silly. Time teleport!
It still feels like I met Tomo yesterday. But it already been 4 months and 14 days.
A lot happened between these months.
I went back to my home country after 3 years, passed all my exams and started another semester, doubted Tomo for his sincerity, almost given up on NEWS, lost nice amount of weight.
Of all those thing why did I doubt Tomo????

I knew all along that if I lost my trust in Tomo, my life would be meaningless.
I am not a teenage emo kid who gonna kill herself for an idol.
What I mean is, he said very meaningful things, things you can learn from, things that made you rethink about your life, your action, your goals and your dreams.
If I can't trust him anymore, what will happen to all these I followed.
When someone preaching these values was lying through his teeth, what should I do?
You can say he is just one guy. There are other people who are truthful.
But you don't know Tomo. He practice what he preached. If he truly lied, he was a damn good liar.

I had all those conspiracy theories in my head. Tomo is actually a very cunning guy.
He masked his true self with all those righteous words. When he got tired of all fame he will show his true self.
But after all that trip and photos, I am scared about my theories coming true.
It hurts when the thing you believe in what just a sham. My pride hurts. My brain hurts.
My heart hurts.

When you truly love someone, you will forgive their mistakes. Is it really true?
I will continue to love him but I won't forgive.
Yurusanai!!! dakedo aishiteru <3

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Dreams do come true

23rd April 2011

I finally met him in person. Everything passed by in a flash. Everything is still like a dream. He is really handsome and nice just like everyone said.

Arrr I really don't want to write. I feel like my feelings will disappeared after I write down everything. I still can't believe I met him, I went to his concert, I sang Happy Birthday to him. Tears are still flowing when I think about it.

First of all, they had a very fierce thunderstorm starting around 3:30pm. We went there early to collect tickets and buy goods. But we were stuck in the rain. Lots of people came early for goods too. We lined up for concert goods in narrow place. After we got what we wanted, we went out for dinner. We were back just before 7pm and security was very strict for camera. Stage settings were very nice and flags with dragon logo were pretty. I felt like I was in some kind of palace.

When the light dimmed and music start playing, everybody rushed to the railing. I didn't expect that so I was a beat late. Being short and two-bodied layer away from railing, I opt out to watch just standing near the seats. He didn't sing much live. But I didn't really care. He danced with all his might. He spoke very clear and good English. Things went by very fast from here. I am going to kept those memory only in my heart. One thing for sure, we didn't have any eye contact. Not even once, I caught his eyes. I didn't expect I will though I wished so much. When I think about it now, I can't even recall all the songs he sang. I almost cried when he sang Saigo no Love Song. One girl in front of me cried.


約束した頃は こんな日が来るなんて
The curtain call announcement resonates
I’m sure you didn’t come back out
Back when we promised about how we
Didn’t believe this day would come

大切な夢のために頑張っている 君の姿が好きで
言ってたくせして 旅立つ君のこと責めた
I loved that figure of yours when you tried your best for the sake of your precious dreams
I said “I’ll support you no matter when”
It was a habit, so I blame you as you set out on a journey

恋なんてしないほうが 幸せな気がした
そんなラブ・ソングに 胸の奥が熱くなる
何回も君と聴いた その言葉が突き刺さる
ひとりぼっちじゃ 悲しすぎる歌だね…
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
That love song makes my heart warmer
Time and time again when I listened with you, the words pierce me
The song is too sad to listen to all alone…

斜め前の君は 僕と目が合うたび
I remember the day when I first met you
It was concert like today's
You were diagonally in front of me and our eyes met
You laughed at me, didn’t you?

叶えたい夢のために遠い街へ 君が行くこと聞いて
誓っていたのに 夢見る君のこと責めた
I heard you went to a far away town in order for your dreams to come true
“Even if we’re apart, we won’t change”
We vowed that but, I blame you for seeing dreams

恋なんてしないほうが 幸せな気がした
そんなラブ・ソングに 身体中が震えてる
どうやって君を忘れ 今日からどう生きてゆく
この先ずっと こんな歌は聴かない…
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
That love song shakes my whole body
How am I going to forget you, how am I going to live from today
From now on, I’m not going to listening to this song…

今さら遅すぎる 何もかも全部
拍手の波の中 僕だけが飛び出していた ひとり
Truthfully, there was more that I wanted to say and
Things I wanted to confirm
Now it’s too late, everything and anything
In the sea of applause, only I am leaping out, alone

恋なんてしないほうが 幸せな気がした
そんなことないよと 胸の奥が叫んでる
何回も君と聴いた ラブ・ソングが遠くなる
ひとりぼっちじゃ 悲しすぎる
それでも僕は 君に会えてよかった・
I think I would have felt happier if I haven’t had fallen in love
My hearts screams that it’s not true
Time and time again when I listened with you, the love song feels distant
Being alone is too sad
Even so, I’m glad that I met you

But every second with him was Heaven. Every air I breathed in have his present. I believe I can talk to him one day. I can touch his hand one day. After all, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.

Tomo, imademo, korekaramo, itsudemo aishiteru kara aimassho ne