How many times my heart has to break

It is almost official. He is dating her.
Eventhough I tried to be reasonable, my heart just won't listen.
Kataomoi is always painful. More painful when you are longing for the 'STAR'.
When not just any star but brightest and shiniest star.
The star everyone waiting with their plam open wide to be fall on.
What I wanted is just for that 'STAR' to be shining with all it might over everyone no ni

Do I want the 'STAR' to shine and burn alone for everyone sake?
Of course not! That is the reason I am sufferring now, I think.

Battle of reasons and feelings.
Whichever side wins battle field is always ugly.
It will left damage and dead bodies.
We want more for everything. Never contenting.
We know reasons yet we scream treason.
It gave its all. We search for more.
Now it found its happiness, we realized what we've lost and feeling sad.
So tell me now and tell me true...
Now this fault lies in who...

'STAR' is not wrong. I wish for his happiness. And I will keep on loving forever.
Kono kataomoi ni owaru ga nai no nara
Sore demo ii
Kono kataomoi wo mamotte hoshii
mada nani mo dekinai koi nandesu

Oh My Pi !OMP!

Can someone die from happiness or cuteness?
Well, I almost did... BB ep9 has such a cute start.
I can't stop grinning after 5 mins into it.
I am scared to watch further. They said depressing and irritating later.
What should I do ne?
Even though I really hate indecisive guys, Naoki's kindness pulled me in.
Two more weeks? I don't want it to finish. Best romance drama of the year or last 5 years.
Thank you, FujiTV, for this incredible summer.

Tomo, kono tanoshii natsu de arigatou!

He's back in the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, you read it right. He is back in the game.
Maybe becuz of that kiss. But def. he is back.
He was in three of four serveys conduct via internet.
AND above 5th position for all. XDDDD I told you, he is back.

Strangely enough, I dreamt of Massu last night.
I wonder why ne...
He was cute nonetheless. And some pouting of his lips too.
Did I like Massu that much in my unconscious mind?

Anyway today is a marvelous day...

Tomo, daisuki da yo

D*mn

Can my english get any worse?
I told my Boss this morning "Oh I didn't SAW you on the bus"
My Boss just looked at me with his eye wide open.
So shameful that I could die on the spot.
OMG if I recalled again, I felt like dying again.
This is gonna haunt me at least a month.
My English is not good but I should know that much, right?
Who say "I didn't saw you." or "You didn't knew that you weren't supposed to said that?"
Arggggggggg..... Luckily there is no school today. Otherwise I will die, definitely sure...

Tomo... doushite

New life? New death?

I am gonna be damn busy from next week onward. i.e if I do things I should do.
My new life of student is starting.
I hope my current life of working adult won't die from exhaustion.
Every morning, I am gonna need someone (i prefer Tomo if possible) whispering Dertermination, Perservation to my ears.
I will overcome this 5 years. With Tomo by my side.
Hope I don't piss all of my family and friends off by trying to remain myself sane.

Jya raigettsu ni aimasho ka

Majide???

I really can't believe my father think something wrong with my head.
What are his reasons???
I broke up with my boyfriend; I don't look for new boyfriend;
I am trying to lose weight; I am learning to speak Japanese;
I like one of Japanese Idol; I am dreaming of marrying him (ok this may BE the main point)...
But seriously Dad. I am not going insane over one break up.
There are a lot of single women in the world.
If all of them are lonely, I don't mind joining them at pub drowning my loneliness
than cleaning up after the kids or waiting for THE man of the house to arrive "drunk".
That I will pass.
I don't mind smiling at other people's kids and buy them ice-cream.
But I DO mind scolding my kids and washing their ice-cream stained shirts.

There is no way I can tell my dad all these. and -120% he will convince I am sane.
WHATEVER....

Tomo, dou shiyou ka

!!!Tomodachi wa Taisetsuna-mono desu!!!

I just connected back with the cluster of my ex-schoolmates.
Wonder how much they have change. I, myself, change big time.
Firstly, broke up with my boyfriend who everyone thought was my soul mate, other half or whatever.
Next, no guys beside me like it used to be, to many of their surprise.
And, I'm learning Japanese.
And, my whole family is here.
And, I am fat...
I want to see how much all this can surprise them.
Maybe not much not 'cuz these aren't shocking, but mainly 'cuz they don't care about me that much anymore.

I had expected that anyway.
I was the one who came out from their cluster and went away with my ex-bf.
I was naive back then or in romantic way "blindly in love".

Still I am same old romanticist. So I am happy with "my littele Pi&I world".
But I am naive no more. I am gonna treasure all of them truely this time. Maa... that's what he'd like me to do...

Yoku Ganbatta sou na... Otsukaresamadesita